I heard someone say "enabling is doing what you think the person needs/wants. Supporting is doing what they ask you to do." To me the ideal help, is providing what is needed even before the person asks. I’ve noticed that many people are afraid to ask for help. We’ve been shamed for asking for help. Usually when I sense this, especially if I can actually help them, I break the ice. Also many times the ways in which we need help is for the person to just step in and do. If we have to guide them on how to help, then we may as well do it ourselves. It’s also true that many aren’t aware of what they truly need. Even if we know what they need, we have to wait until they get the revelation. Meeting people where they are is usually what’s helpful. Not getting ahead of them or even lagging behind them.
Are you an enneagram 2? I’ve been going deep on enneagrams this month and that is a very 2 thing to say. I think it’s usually true, but sometimes I think you need to lead from the from and guide the way.
So I had to look that up. Never took that assessment but will take it. But off the top, I’m probably more of a Reformer…that’s what Harmonious Balance is all about. My original comment was based on my observations of how people get angry when someone is trying to help them. And my approach to help someone who needs it but afraid to ask, is to go about it in a way where they feel less shame about it.
Ah, yes, thank you for referring to my favorite, show, The Good Place. When I first started reading this, I thought, he's channeling his inner Chibi. :)
"humans have come into being for the sake of each other." - from "Meditations" by the great stoic, Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius.
When I read his journal and came across this, I felt somewhat validated in my approach to humanity. I'm an introvert. I struggle with people and the darkness that exists. But yet, I'll help someone who has the smallest need for assistance, including people that I don't like, agree with, or find common ground with.
A long time ago, someone once asked me why I would bother helping people I don't like or that have mistreated me and I said "because it's the right thing to do. Maybe nobody ever helped them and that's why they're like that. At the end of the day, maybe that's all they needed to see that they can change and help others."
I like to help people because it takes me out of myself. Helping others is good for my soul. It reminds me that I'm not alone and that I'm part of something bigger
"How do you think about helping people?" My side biz of copyediting and proofreading for femprenuers and indie romance authors. I like helping them use their words better.
Excellent article delving into the nature of helping one another, acts of kindness, why be of service to others and what that means. Thank you for your insights. I'm looking forward to seeing those season of The Good Place, a show that I would never have thought to watch. Thanks again.
I heard someone say "enabling is doing what you think the person needs/wants. Supporting is doing what they ask you to do." To me the ideal help, is providing what is needed even before the person asks. I’ve noticed that many people are afraid to ask for help. We’ve been shamed for asking for help. Usually when I sense this, especially if I can actually help them, I break the ice. Also many times the ways in which we need help is for the person to just step in and do. If we have to guide them on how to help, then we may as well do it ourselves. It’s also true that many aren’t aware of what they truly need. Even if we know what they need, we have to wait until they get the revelation. Meeting people where they are is usually what’s helpful. Not getting ahead of them or even lagging behind them.
Are you an enneagram 2? I’ve been going deep on enneagrams this month and that is a very 2 thing to say. I think it’s usually true, but sometimes I think you need to lead from the from and guide the way.
So I had to look that up. Never took that assessment but will take it. But off the top, I’m probably more of a Reformer…that’s what Harmonious Balance is all about. My original comment was based on my observations of how people get angry when someone is trying to help them. And my approach to help someone who needs it but afraid to ask, is to go about it in a way where they feel less shame about it.
Ah, yes, thank you for referring to my favorite, show, The Good Place. When I first started reading this, I thought, he's channeling his inner Chibi. :)
Have you read his book. It’s so great
Just ordered! Can't wait to dig in! Thank you for sharing!
No, but now I must!!
"humans have come into being for the sake of each other." - from "Meditations" by the great stoic, Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius.
When I read his journal and came across this, I felt somewhat validated in my approach to humanity. I'm an introvert. I struggle with people and the darkness that exists. But yet, I'll help someone who has the smallest need for assistance, including people that I don't like, agree with, or find common ground with.
A long time ago, someone once asked me why I would bother helping people I don't like or that have mistreated me and I said "because it's the right thing to do. Maybe nobody ever helped them and that's why they're like that. At the end of the day, maybe that's all they needed to see that they can change and help others."
And I still believe that.
I like to help people because it takes me out of myself. Helping others is good for my soul. It reminds me that I'm not alone and that I'm part of something bigger
"How do you think about helping people?" My side biz of copyediting and proofreading for femprenuers and indie romance authors. I like helping them use their words better.
I love it.
Excellent article delving into the nature of helping one another, acts of kindness, why be of service to others and what that means. Thank you for your insights. I'm looking forward to seeing those season of The Good Place, a show that I would never have thought to watch. Thanks again.
I can't ever hear/read those words without thinking of the most excellent show "The Good Place".
I see zero emails from you. I only let paid subscribers DM me.
okay. I have messaged you.