We all deserve unconditional grace and forgiveness

It doesn't matter why you made a mistake. You deserve unconditional grace and forgiveness anyway. In order to have self compassion, we need radical compassion for others.

Hi,

Recently, my wife and I went out to breakfast. The waitress forgot to put in our order, and we sat there for half an hour before anyone realized. My wife, always compassionate, immediately began trying to find reasons for the mistake: Maybe they’re short-staffed. Maybe the waitress is new. Maybe it’s a bad day. She wanted to justify it.

And I get it. We all do this. It feels instinctive, doesn’t it? To look for the “why” behind a mistake, as if understanding the cause will make it more acceptable.

But here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter why the mistake happened. It doesn’t matter if the waitress was new, overwhelmed, or distracted. She shouldn’t need to apologize, though she did profusely, and she shouldn’t need to explain herself. Mistakes happen because we’re human. Grace doesn’t hinge on reasons. It simply exists. People should be allowed to make unconditional mistakes, no justification required.

Mistakes happen because we are not robots. If we can’t allow each other to make mistakes with unconditional forgiveness, how can we allow it in ourselves?

We don’t just hold others to impossible standards; we hold ourselves to them too. We treat mistakes as something that needs to be excused, explained, or fixed before they’re worthy of forgiveness. But mistakes don’t need a justification. They just need grace.

If you can’t allow for others to make mistakes without justification then you will never be able to allow it in yourself. Apologies are a type of punishment, and meeting mistakes with punishment instead of compassion with others means we expect it in ourselves.

Think about the last time you made a mistake. Did you feel the need to explain yourself? Did you over-apologize or try to convince others that it wasn’t really your fault? We tie so much of our worth to perfection that mistakes feel like a threat to who we are. And when we do this, we deny a fundamental truth. Mistakes aren’t something you can avoid. They’re simply part of being human.

The problem with tying grace to “good reasons” is that it perpetuates the myth that mistakes are controllable. It teaches us to believe that if we just try hard enough, plan well enough, or care enough, we won’t make them. But that’s a lie. We make mistakes because we’re alive, and no amount of effort will change that.

Conditional grace, whether it’s for yourself or someone else, ties forgiveness to worth.

Conditional grace sends the message that mistakes can only be forgiven if they’re justified. This mindset doesn’t just erode compassion; it feeds shame. And shame doesn’t teach us to grow. It teaches us to hide.

Grace, by its nature, isn’t transactional. It isn’t earned or deserved. It simply is. It acknowledges that mistakes are inevitable and accepts them without conditions or caveats.

Unconditional grace doesn’t mean you ignore mistakes or avoid accountability. It doesn’t mean you don’t try to learn or fix what went wrong. What it means is that you remove shame from the equation. You separate the mistake from the person who made it. You say, “This happened, and it’s okay. You’re still worthy.”

The power of unconditional grace is that it allows us to stop tying mistakes to our identity. A missed deadline, a hurtful comment, a wrong turn; these aren’t reflections of your value as a person. They’re simply moments, fleeting and fixable. When you give yourself permission to make mistakes, you stop fearing them. And when you stop fearing mistakes, you start living with freedom and courage.

It turns out, he more grace you give to others, the easier it becomes to give to yourself. Meanwhile, the opposite is also true. If you’re harsh and critical toward your own mistakes, you’re more likely to judge others for theirs. Everyone who matters will give you much more grace than you give yourself, but if we want to extend that grace to ourselves, we have to extend it to others first. That is the great paradox.

Imagine the ripple effect if we all extended unconditional grace. Mistakes wouldn’t be something to fear but something to learn from. Relationships wouldn’t crack under the pressure of perfection. They’d deepen through understanding. And most importantly, we’d stop equating mistakes with failure.

Living with grace isn’t about avoiding mistakes. It’s about choosing how to respond to them.

When someone else stumbles, resist the urge to demand explanations. Instead, pause. Remind yourself: “They don’t need a reason to deserve grace.”

Then, try to extend the same kindness to yourself. The next time you make a mistake, notice how you react.

• Do you rush to justify it?

• Do you criticize yourself?

• Or can you simply say, “This happened, and it’s okay.”

Unconditional grace doesn’t mean you won’t feel disappointment or frustration. But it does mean you’ll stop punishing yourself, or others, for being human.

Mistakes are inevitable, and they don’t need to be justified to be forgiven. Grace isn’t something you earn through reasons or apologies. It’s a radical, compassionate choice that acknowledges our shared humanity. The more we practice unconditional grace, the more we free ourselves from the exhausting need to be perfect.

So the next time you or someone else makes a mistake, remember: it doesn’t matter why it happened. You don’t need a reason to deserve grace. You just do.

This is not easy, and it’s not intuitive. We are taught to punish ourselves for mistakes, but if instead we met mistakes with compassion, then life will be the happier for it.

What do you think?

• How do you typically respond to your own mistakes? Do you find yourself justifying or rationalizing them, and how might your perspective change if you approached those mistakes with unconditional grace?

• In what ways does our culture or upbringing shape how we view mistakes? How can we challenge these ingrained beliefs to create a more compassionate environment for ourselves and others?

• Think about a recent situation where someone else made a mistake that affected you. How did you respond, and how might offering unconditional grace have changed the outcome for both of you?

Let us know in the comments.

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